05.21.20 | 1018 am

darling, sweet lover, one day this will all be over


i have a lot of feelings about the events of the past few weeks. i just don't have the energy to write about them.

i spent hours going through the no-longer-published, but still available to me posts from this diary from 2001-2003. this one stood out to me:

want to fly to a place where its just you and me nobody else so we can be free
02.03.03
954 pm

i know i do this every week and each time i fail, but maybe if i put it in writing, it will make my conscious resolution firmer in my head and in my heart. well, my head mostly is aware, it's just the heart that needs convincing

now i know what any long-time reader (had i any!) would say to this: remember your biggest regret in life, sara, is following your head and not your heart. you always do it and it always makes you miserable.

well guess what? my head is absolutely right this time and my heart knows it, too, it just longs for some excitement in this otherwise slow-paced lifestyle. i compared you to all the other boys of the same name i've met through my life. you're just a ripple. i just need a distraction. i only think of you because my life lacks any excitement, so i create my own drama.

i'm gonna focus on another aspect of the plot now. i'm killing off your character; throwing you down the proverbial elevator shaft.