Every time I am faced with a big change, I go deep into nostalgia mode first. This is a pattern of mine. Maybe it gives me strength to remember the person I was before I settled for this. Still, I find myself vacillating between blaming myself and feeling sorry for myself, neither of which are helpful. I just need some fucking strength. some fucking resolve. some fucking hope.

but the odds are stacked against me, here. I think that window for hope has all but closed. Maybe dull, achy misery until one of us dies is the lesser of two evils. How's that for self pity?

rock out - rock on

these offences between us
heartbeats and clocks
the snow fell before the leaves (before I had a chance to tell you what this means)
i didn't have the spine to say what you didn't have the heart to ask
if you forget me