04.28.20 | 811 am

love junkie


what a year this week has been.

i've had to do a lot of introspection to help me make sense of where i am at currently and to try to gain some semblance of objectivity about my situation.

i did really love him. it was real.

i don't know when it changed, exactly. i don't know when the rush and the need to touch his skin and hear his voice gave way to dull resentment. for a very long time, i thought i could make those feelings reappear. i know myself. all it takes for me is some pretty words. i'm a sucker for sweet sentiments. but he doesn't feel like saying them and i'm not sure i could believe them coming from him anymore, anyway.

maybe there is such a thing as love that doesn't fade. maybe there's such a thing as romance that grows and changes with time, without dying. but if there is, i've not seen it. i guess i'm destined to chasing my next romantic high like the love junkie i am.

or maybe i could learn to love myself and that could be enough.